Perceive

How am I doing? (green, orange, red, blue) What are my thoughts? Which feelings are present? Notice signs of reduced or offline mentalizing. Am I tense, do I feel nervous about something? What do I need to feel calmer? Or to feel more confident? Also try to consider for a moment how the other person is doing. What does the other person need (from me) to become calmer?

Acknowledge

Say what you feel and notice within yourself. How deeply are you affected? Have you been able to express this clearly to your colleagues?

At the same time, really listen to the other person and acknowledge their feelings, responding in a validating and empathetic way. Avoid offering solutions; instead, explore your colleague’s underlying needs. How angry or disappointed is your colleague?

Notice whether you feel sufficiently listened to and understood. Were you able to identify together what you – or the other person – need? What is missing in this interaction or in the situation?

Unpack the process

Use the interaction circle for a difficult moment between you and a student. Based on your dominant feeling or thought, try to unpack the potential effects this may have. Ask ‘how’ questions and notice the different pitfalls of offline mentalizing. Together with your colleagues, explore alternative perspectives where appropriate, while continuously checking whether this feels right for you.

See perspectives

After the exercise with the interaction circle has provided you with new perspectives, it can be useful to reflect on which recurring thoughts or statements you keep returning to. Notice how you may cross your own boundaries – what role (e.g., rescuer, accuser, victim) do you tend to get stuck in? And which position would you prefer to take on ‘the pedagogical dance floor’?

Evaluate

Reflect on the previous steps and the different perspectives that emerged. You may outline next steps for yourself. What do you take away from this deeper exploration, and what support might you still need from others?